


World of Worlds

by Ravcastimoff



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Video Game World, Catfishing, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2020-10-27 08:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravcastimoff/pseuds/Ravcastimoff
Summary: “Well…” Daisya had hummed thoughtfully. “Y’know, you could like, play dirty a little.”Kanda’s brow furrowed. “What?”Daisya grinned that mischievous, awful grin that usually meant Kanda was about to be the butt of some joke or prank. “Well… Have you ever heard of catfishing?”





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> I'm baaaack! I know I'm awful at updating multi chapter fics but I'm gonna give this one a shot cause I really enjoy this idea a lot!

If Kanda’s being honest, he never would have gotten into playing video games in the first place if it weren’t for Daisya. In fact, it’s really just the one game. Any other time he’s caught with any sort of controller or mouse, it’s at the behest of his foster siblings. Sometimes it’s his childhood friend, Alma, begging him to play. 

But there is one game Kanda has made time for himself to play. World of Worlds. Again, it only started because of Daisya’s constant badgering. The virtual world of swords, bows, elves, and ogres actually piqued his normally exclusive interest. And Kanda’s need to be the best of the best at everything he puts his mind to didn’t help. Not that he’s complaining. 

It was until a few weeks ago that Kanda was at the top of the charts. Max level, best gear, renowned reputations; Kanda was all but famous in the cyber world. That is, until a serial hacker struck and Kanda lost  _ everything. _

“Damn… That’s rough, little bro.” Daisya had said, shaking his head in sympathy. 

Kanda, who hadn’t taken an anger management course in three whole years, could feel the burning hot hatred boiling inside his chest. “A, don’t call me that. And B,  _ get it back. _ ” 

“Can’t.” Daisya sighed, drumming his fingers on the mouse. “This guy must’ve been really good at covering his tracks.” 

Kanda didn’t want to admit that a video game of all things would rile him up so much, and he still won’t, but  _ months  _ of game time and effort. Gone, overnight. It would take more months just to get it all back.

“Well…” Daisya had hummed thoughtfully. “Y’know, you  _ could  _ like, play dirty a little.”

Kanda’s brow furrowed. “What?” 

Daisya grinned that mischievous, awful grin that usually meant Kanda was about to be the butt of some joke or prank. “Well… Have you ever heard of catfishing?” 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanda's videogame experience is getting better and better. Meanwhile, his school life isn't going so smoothly.

“Sheianne, will you… marry me?” 

Kanda hardly has to think before he’s typing his- or rather, Sheianne’s answer. 

“Of course.” The blushing animation added to the end really pulls the act together. Hook, line, and sinker. 

The guy that just proposed to Kanda/Sheianne, Ōzuchi, does a lame cheer animation. 

The first few days of this charade, Kanda felt like an absolute fool. But then, the desperate and thirsty boys on the game were all but eager to throw money and gear at a pretty “girl”. In hardly any time at all, Kanda’s stats were back up to par, and his character one of the leaderboards again. While it’s so unlike Kanda to pull something like this, he figures he’ll keep the act up for a few more days and then dump the guy that has been loading Kanda up for weeks now. Then he could have his own reputation once again. 

“Harsh, man.” Daisya complains when Kanda voices his plan. 

“It’s just a video game.” Kanda sneers. “Obviously we’re not getting married in real life or anything. And if this guy actually feels something from this then that says more about his pathetic life than anything.” 

“Alright, fair enough. But it’s dinnertime, come on.” 

Kanda sighs through his nostrils and bids farewell to his new “husband” before signing off for the night. Feeling a sense of accomplishment from the day, he supposes it’s not a bad time to start studying, too. After the grueling event that was dinner with his family, anyway. 

<><><><><><>

There’s a vibe of excitement when Kanda arrives to class the next day. Why, he has no idea. Nor does he care. Not even when Lenalee leans over the edge of her desk to whisper to him, “Have you seen the new guy yet?” 

Kanda, unpacking his notebooks from his bag, sneers slightly. “No.” He answers in his trademark blunt style. 

He can practically hear Lenalee’s disapproving pout and makes a point not to look at her. “I’ve heard he’s like a foreign exchange student.” 

“Great.” 

“You know, you could at least  _ pretend  _ to care.” 

“Not if my life depended on it.” 

Their teacher appears and Lenalee twists forward once again, though not without sticking her tongue out at him. Kanda forgets the entire conversation almost immediately as he starts jotting down his notes. 

The class has barely hit the five minute mark, though, when the door opens again and someone Kanda’s never seen before walks in like he belongs here. Despite his tardiness, the newcomer has a lazy kind of grin on his face and his red hair is down, tousled like he just rolled out of bed. With a slight twinge of curiosity, Kanda notices he’s also wearing a white medicinal eyepatch over his right eye. 

“Sorry I’m late, Teach.” The guy folds his arms behind his head. “Got lost.”

“I’ll let it go this time, young man. But don’t make a habit of it.” Their teacher wags a stern finger at him before turning to the rest of the room. “Class, I’m sure you’ve heard of a new peer joining the school. This is Lavi Bookman. Lavi, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?” 

The redhead, Lavi, flashes a friendly grin at his peers. He starts blabbering almost a mile a minute, something about how he and his “gramps” travel all the time and because of it he can speak a handful of different languages. It seems more like he’s trying to show off, or impress people, and it’s already irritating. Kanda is suddenly far too aware of the empty seat in front of him. Lavi, apparently, seems to notice it as well, given how his green eye scans over Kanda and then the very empty chair. Kanda curses his life. 

“Alright, alright. Well, just take any seat then, Lavi, and we can continue our lesson.” 

Lavi makes a beeline for the seat in front of Kanda, naturally. All while winking at some of the girls, including Lenalee. He sets his bag on the ground and practically plops into his chair. His lazy, slouching posture means his head is practically resting back on Kanda’s desk. Kanda’s lip curls and he scooches his stuff back from the intruding red tresses of hair. Two minutes and the guy is already pushing nearly every button Kanda has. 

The situation doesn’t improve when the class is assigned to work in groups. Lenalee being Lenalee immediately grips onto Kanda’s arm, leaving him no room to escape. Not that he’d rather work with anyone else anyway. Lavi also spins in his seat and gives them that stupid grin  _ again.  _

“Hey, you guys mind if I group with you?” 

“Yes-” Kanda starts before Lenalee overrides his answer with, “Of course not! You’re more than welcome to join us.” 

Lenalee, the natural leader that she is, is immediately breaking the project up and giving the two of them their jobs. Lavi takes his, research, without complaint. Kanda doesn’t care. He’s good at the writing part- not so much the research part. Lenalee’s playing to their strengths. Kanda’s never thought of Lenalee as anything less than intelligent, but sometimes she still surprised him.

“So, we have a week to get this finished. If we each take two days for our parts, and then spend the last day for the finishing touches, we should be golden.” 

Lavi whistles. “That was some quick thinking, Lena-lady.” 

Kanda glances at him. “You’re here for one hour, and you already have nicknames?” 

“Sure.” Lavi shrugs. “They usually come pretty easy to me. Wanna hear the ones I’ve got for you?” 

“No.” Kanda closes up his notebook and tosses it in his bag as the bell rings. Everyone adjusts the desks back to where they were and then make a mad scramble for the door. Kanda’s skinny and fast, so he easily squeezes his way out. Lenalee, without fail, trails right beside him. 

“He seems nice, don’t you think?” She asks, despite Kanda’s aversion to most conversation. 

“Who?”

Lenalee rolls her eyes. “ _ Lavi,  _ duh.” 

“No.” 

“Oh, come on. He was really nice, and friendly. Not to mention pretty cute, right?” She nudges Kanda’s arm, making him huff. 

“Don’t you have a beansprout for that already?”

“I didn’t mean for me, Kanda.” 

Kanda blinks at her and then gives her the infamous “tch”. She just laughs. “Well, he can at least be our friend, right?” She phrases it as a question, but Kanda knows he’ll probably join their little “friend group” whether he likes it or not. 

“Well, I have Biology now. Lunch at our usual spot?” 

Kanda grunts once in affirmation. This satisfies Lenalee anyway and she takes off in the opposite direction. 

Normally, Kanda’s the first one to nearly all of his classes. But his next class, English, is not the case today. Sitting there, in  _ his  _ spot, is a tall, lanky boy with wild, red hair and a single visible green eye. 

“You have  _ got  _ to be kidding me.” Kanda mutters under his breath. 

This was going to be a  _ long  _ day. 


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanda's right about Lavi coming into his life. But is it necessarily a bad thing?

Kanda’s suspicions of Lavi worming his way into their group were proved valid as the next two weeks carried on. Lenalee and Allen had taken a liking to the redhead almost right away. Kanda doesn’t have any  _ real  _ issues with him, per se. Other than his constant and obnoxious volume. And his apparent  _ need  _ for physical contact-

As proven when Lavi approaches and lays an arm across Kanda’s shoulders. “Hey, Yuu~” He practically purrs. 

-and his refusal to  _ not  _ use Kanda’s first name.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” Kanda growls and pinches the skin on Lavi’s hand until he releases him. 

Lavi pouts as he rubs his abused hand. “As many times as it takes.”

“Which will be-?”

“Not enough~” 

Kanda sighs through his nostrils and rolls his eyes. Nearly every interaction they have together has been like this. He has to say though, he’d prefer Lavi over Allen to bug him. It’s hardly any better, but at least Lavi doesn’t actually try to piss Kanda off. And, despite evidence to the contrary, they’ve had an actual conversation or two. 

“So, that paper that’s due in History-” Lavi drawls on, folding his arms behind his head. “Have you finished it yet?” 

“No.” Kanda grunts. “Why?”

“Well, I have.” 

“That’s great.” Kanda mutters sarcastically. “What do I care?”

“Weeell~” Lavi’s essentially singing now. “I’ll let you copy it, or even help you do yours since you’re so hell-bent on ‘not cheating’.” 

Kanda squints his eyes at the taller boy. But Lavi still has that relaxed posture and easy-going grin. Still, Kanda knows better than to trust him. 

“What’s your angle?”

“No angle.” Lavi shrugs. “I’m just really good with history, and maybe I just want to spend time with you?”

A very quick but sharp twinge of cold panic shocks Kanda. Then he swallows it down just as fast. “What did Lenalee tell you?”

“Lenalee?” Lavi blinks, his grin fading into a confused stare. “What about Lenalee?”

“Nothing.” Kanda snaps and starts walking briskly to his next class.

Lavi, naturally, follows anyway. “No, really. What does Lenalee have to do about us hanging out?” 

“I said it was nothing. Don’t you have a different class to go to?” 

It’s Lavi’s turn to squint suspiciously at Kanda. “Fine. But don’t think I won’t bother you later for the truth.”

Kanda just rolls his eyes again and takes his seat in his class. Lavi may be an idiot, but he also knows better than to try and skip class. At least, today he does. Kanda digs his notebook out and thanks what few lucky stars he has that none of his “friends” are in this class. 

<><><><><><>

_ What’s the matter, Sheianne?  _ Ōzuchi asks later that night.

Most nights, Kanda busies himself with homework and studying. But tonight is a light workload, so he’s decided to spare some game time. 

_ Nothing, I’m just tired. But I wanted to play tonight.  _ He responds, sighing a little as he takes a sip of his tea. In some ways, he thinks, playing this role is a lot like doing  _ extra  _ homework. 

_ Well, I’m glad you are. I don’t get to see you very much.  _

Kanda can’t help the small smirk as Ōzuchi uses a crying animation.  _ What a sucker.  _ He thinks only to himself.

_ I can’t help that I’m also in school.  _ He replies instead. 

_ I hear ya. School’s been rough for me, too.  _

Kanda’s not sure what to say next. He’s never struggled with school, nor is he interested in small talk. Luckily, he doesn’t have to. 

_ Anyway, let’s go do some dungeons, yeah? Farm some exp.  _

That, Kanda can definitely do.  _ Sure.  _

<><><><><><>

True to his word, Lavi tails after Kanda to the library the following day. Kanda can’t work at his house; Daisya, the college dropout, is home and wherever Daisya is, loud, obnoxious  _ noise  _ is. Not only that, but Kanda refuses to let Lavi see his bedroom. Or his house for that matter. He’ll never admit to it, but he does need the redhead’s help with his history essay. Even if he might act like a total dumbass, apparently he’s a lot smarter than what meets the eye. 

At least Lavi’s left the “Lenalee topic” alone. 

“So, the Ancient Olympics, huh?” Lavi turns one of the chairs around and sits backwards, his arms resting on the back of the chair. “Why that topic?” 

Kanda shrugs as he opens his laptop. “It was the only interesting one.” 

“Hey, I’ll have you know the Battle of Carrhae is  _ totally  _ interesting.” 

“Whatever. Are you gonna help me, or just annoy me?” 

“Okay, okay.” Lavi holds his hands up in surrender. “So, what have you got so far?” 

Kanda digs out his notebook and shows his research notes to Lavi. Immediately, the playful grin on the redhead’s face disappears and he turns almost stony serious as he reviews what Kanda already has. Left in silence, and with nothing else to do, Kanda turns on his computer. He nearly jumps out of his skin when Lavi breaks the dead silence within the library by gasping out loud. 

“No  _ way. _ ” He breathes and points at Kanda’s screen, which has just opened to his desktop. “You play World of Worlds?  _ You _ ?” 

If Kanda flushed, he probably would. Instead, he scoffs. “Tch, as if. That’s Daisya’s game. I just… let him use my laptop.” 

Lavi studies him, green eye narrowing slightly as he scrutinizes his face and body language. He’s digging for some kind of sign of a lie. Kanda steels his nerves and stares back at him. 

Lavi, apparently finding nothing, turns back to Kanda’s research notes. “Well, you have everything you really need here.” 

“Thanks for telling me something I  _ already  _ knew.” Kanda rolls his eyes, though he has to wonder why Lavi would so easily change topics this time. “But I need it in a cohesive  _ essay _ .” 

“Easy, Yuu. I know, I know.” Lavi grins again, as though it’s supposed to comfort him. “Now, you do know how to write in MLA format, right?” 

It takes no more than an hour and a half for the pair of them to pump out a finished essay. Lavi, having apparently given up hope on Kanda, had snatched the laptop halfway through and typed most of it himself. Kanda had to admit (to no one but himself), he did have incredible typing skills. Not only that, but the report sounded like Kanda’s own words but still academic. 

“So, you have any other projects or essays?” Lavi asks as Kanda packs his laptop and notebooks away again. 

“No. Just regular worksheets and stuff.” Kanda replies. “And I can do those myself.” 

“Alright. Just wanted to make sure.” Lavi hoists his own bag over his shoulder. “Then, you wanna stop by the cafe before we head home?” 

Kanda arches a brow at him. “Why?”

Lavi shrugs, an innocent expression on his face. “Just to do something that’s not related to school.” 

Kanda ponders over his options; spend an afternoon with the guy that _did_ just practically do his whole essay for him, or go home with his overbearing adoptive father and Daisya. “I do have to be home in time for dinner, otherwise Tiedoll will freak.” 

Lavi snorts. “Since when do you actually care about your family?” 

“Fair point. Let’s go.” 


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Studying.

Kanda sighs out loud as he runs a hand through his bangs. “Tell me why we have to study at your stupid house again.” 

“Because, BaKanda,” Allen answers. “Lenalee’s house is the best fitting; there’s plenty of room, and no one to really bother us.” 

“I don’t remember asking you, idiot Moyashi.” 

Allen, instead of getting upset like Kanda wanted, just grins evilly and pantomimes cutting his bangs. Kanda grinds his teeth and is about to say something else when Lenalee cuts in. “Guys, come on. We  _ really  _ have to study.” 

“She’s right, guys.” Lavi adds in unhelpfully, though the pencil he’s balancing on his pursed lips contradicts his lecturing. 

They’ve been sitting in Lenalee’s dining room for two hours, a chaos of textbooks, notebooks, highlighters, and pencils crowding the table. Midterms were coming up, now that it was November. Kanda was especially pressed to do well on these exams, considering he’d be graduating this year. Along with Lavi. That is, if the guy would ever studied. He’s spent the entire time helping Lenalee or Allen, but hasn’t touched a textbook of his yet. Which is bullshit, Kanda thinks, because his brain is starting to hurt from all the cramming, but Lavi doesn’t seem to give a damn. 

“Are you not graduating?” Kanda asks, arching a brow at the redhead. 

Lavi blinks, the pencil falling onto his lap. “Sure I am. I’m a senior, aren’t I?”

“You haven’t even looked at your own materials yet.” Kanda deadpans. “How are you going to pass if you don’t study?”

“Aww, Yuu!” His face splits into a wide grin, which has Kanda beginning to wonder if his face sometimes freezes like that. “You  _ do  _ care about me!”

“As if.” Kanda huffs and turns back to his Algebra. “It’s just annoying that we’re here working and you’re just goofing off.”

“I’m not goofing off!” Lavi protests. “I’m helping!” 

“Distracting, more like…” Kanda mutters.

“Okay, seriously. The point of a study group is to  _ study.  _ So come on.” Lenalee coaches in her stern, motherly voice. “Kanda, stop griping. Lavi, study your  _ own  _ material.” 

“Yessir, Lena-lady sir!” Lavi salutes and opens up his Chemistry textbook.

Kanda forces his concentration back to Algebra (Polynomial vocabulary). Math has always been a good subject for Kanda for several reasons. The main one? It just makes  _ sense.  _ There’s no debating numbers; two plus two will  _ always  _ be four. That doesn’t mean that he actually  _ likes  _ it though. In fact, he rather hates it. 

He makes it about ten more vocabulary words before he practically slams the heavy textbook shut. “I need a fucking break.” He hisses and stalks into the kitchen. 

Opening the fridge, he ignores all the crazy, weird stuff Komui has hidden in there and grabs a water bottle. The cold, refreshing drink helps clear his head a little. And then, just to make it worse again, Lavi follows him into the room. 

“Hey, you okay?” The genuine concern in Lavi’s eye makes Kanda’s stomach roll in hatred.  _ Lavi?  _ Concerned? About  _ him _ ? He’s starting to remind him of Tiedoll. 

“I’m fine.” Kanda retorts. “Go back to  _ actually  _ studying.” 

“Can’t.” Lavi offers a slight grin. “You’re like my focus beacon~”

Kanda rolls his eyes for what feels like the umpteenth time since he’s met Lavi. “Whatever.” 

They fall quiet as Lavi hops up to sit on top of the counter. Kanda leans against the counter adjacent to him. He never knew Lavi could just be  _ quiet.  _ And, quite frankly, Kanda hates it now. It’s been  _ too _ quiet for too long now. Sure, it’s nice when he’s trying to meditate or study. But now, Kanda feels like he needs a break. This is typically when he goes to his computer to get onto his game. But of course, he can’t do that here. Not with Lavi breathing down his neck. 

“Say something.” He more or less demands. 

“Huh?” Lavi blinks at him. 

“Say something.” Kanda repeats, staring intently at the tile floor in front of him. “It’s too quiet. It’s driving me nuts.” 

“Too quiet for  _ you?  _ Yuu?” Lavi starts to smile but stops when he sees the glare on Kanda’s face. “Okay, okay. Uhh, oh! I’m thinking about joining the baseball team~” 

It’s Kanda’s turn to blink as he looks up at Lavi. “For one semester?” 

Lavi shrugs. “Yeah. I used to play at my old school. I’m really good~” 

Kanda doesn’t know what to do with this information, but he doesn’t want it to go quiet again either. “Are you going to play for a scholarship or something?”

“Nah.” Lavi shakes his head. He looks away from Kanda and down at his swinging feet. “I’m more or less  _ guaranteed _ ,” He uses air quotes around that word. “A job with my old man.” 

“Traveling, you mean?”

“On top of it, yeah.” 

Kanda’s never made a  _ habit  _ of reading people, but he can definitely note the somber change in Lavi’s expression. As though… that isn’t what he wants. Like traveling (on top of whatever job his caretaker has for him) was a path chosen  _ for  _ him. 

“That’s why you don’t study, or try hard in school.” Kanda says, like he’s talking about the weather. 

Lavi tilts his head. “Huh?”

“You’re guaranteed a job with your grandfather. So you don’t really  _ need  _ to graduate high school. So, you don’t even  _ try. _ ”

Kanda can feel Lavi staring at him before he even looks up at him. He studies the redhead’s face, scrutinizing for any signs of him lying or denying it. Finally, Lavi seems to break. He sighs, his form slumping slightly. “Yeah, more or less. I mean, I  _ am  _ really smart.” 

“Conceited much?”

Lavi chuckles softly. “Yeah. But I’ve coasted by so far by just… doing well naturally? I don’t know. But you’re right. I don’t try.”

“If you don’t do well in high school, you won’t get into a good college, you know that? Lenalee and the ‘Sprout are gonna be pissed if you don’t end up going to the same college as us.” 

Lavi’s eyes widen slightly before he breaks out into a huge, shining grin. “‘Us’?”

It’s Kanda’s turn to blink at him. “Huh?”

“You said, ‘same college as  _ us _ ’. You  _ do  _ think of us as a group! We’re your group friend!” 

“Tch, right!” Kanda throws the water bottle at Lavi, who catches it with another giggle. “I do not have  _ groups. _ ” He huffs and spins on his heel. Now, he wishes he had just kept the silence. Stupid brain. 

He stops when he gets to the doorway, considering for a moment. For just a minute there, he had been talking to what felt like a real  _ person.  _ Not just a smiling, stupid robot. It, dare he say,  _ comforted  _ Kanda to know that the redhead also felt down sometimes. That his life wasn’t as picture perfect as most people might think right away. One might argue that his life was  _ less  _ perfect than Kanda’s, or Lenalee’s. Maybe not Allen’s; that brat had gone through some  _ shit.  _ Still, Kanda appreciated the fact that he got to see that side of Lavi. 

“You should do it.” He murmured. 

“Do what?” Lavi asks, still sitting on the counter. 

“Baseball. What you want.”

Kanda doesn’t wait for a response before he stalks back to the dining room. 


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanda and Lavi are able to talk about their families for a moment.

With midterms right around the corner, and his new “friend” that keeps trying to drag him to plans, Kanda doesn’t have a whole lot of time for his game anymore. Which is fine with him. Because when he  _ does  _ log in,  Ōzuchi is overly happy and excited. Which means he practically  _ throws  _ gifts Kanda’s way. Among these gifts, is a set of the newest armor out. Top of the charts stats, these don’t come cheap. As in, he probably had to spend  _ actual  _ human money just to get it.  _ What a stupid thing to spend your money on.  _ Kanda thinks. Oh well. Better him than Kanda. 

_ So where ya been, Shei? I’ve missed ya.  _ Ōzuchi asks in the middle of a dungeon they’re working on. 

Kanda’s brow twitches. Ōzuchi’s a good player and all but this is still no time for idle chat.  _ I told you, school. It’s December. Midterms are in a week.  _

They defeat two mobs before Ōzuchi responds again.  _ Yeah but like, there’s still time to come online from time to time. Even just to talk.  _

Kanda blinks, his brow furrowing slightly. Is this guy for real?  _ Uh, no? Sorry, but this game isn’t important enough to me for that.  _

Again, there’s a bit of a pause before his partner replies.  _ It seemed like it used to be.  _

Kanda rolls his eyes. Maybe this guy really  _ was  _ getting attached; which Kanda still thought was pathetic and weird. Before he can control his own irritation, he’s typing out his next answer. 

_ It’s just a game.  _

This time, Ōzuchi just stops altogether; replying, fighting. He just, stands there for a minute. Kanda begins to think maybe he disconnected or something when there’s finally a little ‘ping!’ of a message.

_ Fine.  _

Then Ōzuchi’s avatar fades out, the “disconnected” status over his profile proving his absence. Kanda scoffs and leaves the dungeon by himself before also logging out. What a stupid fight. Over something so  _ stupid.  _

Whatever.

<><><><><><>

“Neeh, Yuu.” Lavi whines. They’re sitting at their normal table outside of the school cafeteria. Because they’re seniors, their lunchtime is different than Lenalee and Allen’s. Before, this never bothered Kanda. Now, he’s left alone with Lavi. Which meant Lavi could never bother anyone else  _ but  _ him. 

“What?” Kanda huffs, flipping through the pages of his Chemistry textbook. 

“Can I borrow like, five bucks from you?”

That gives Kanda pause. He glances up from his practice problems to study the redhead. “...why?”

“Lunch money.” Lavi grins sheepishly. “See, the old geezer kind of grounded me so not only do I not have my phone or video games but I’m cut off from my allowance, too.”

“Damn.” Kanda grunts. “Sucks to suck, loser.” 

“Yuuuu, don’t be mean! I’ll go hungry!”

“Sorry. When did I become your caretaker?” 

Lavi pouts. “You’re awful. I’d bail you out!”

Kanda rolls his eyes. “Like I’d ever be grounded. I think Tiedoll would ground himself before he punished me.” 

“That’s because you’re like, a shining big star prize child, fam.” 

Kanda blinks, and then scrunches his nose. “How the hell-”

Lavi cuts him short and begins counting on his fingers. “Captain of the kendo team, straight A student, good group of friends (though not necessarily ‘popular’), good-looking, and smart. I know for a  _ fact  _ my old geezer will gladly put me up for adoption again if it means he can get you.” 

“Good-looking? Wait,  _ again _ ? You’re adopted?”

Lavi looks like a deer caught in the headlights and then smiles diffidently. “Did I never mention-?” 

“No.” Kanda narrows his eyes slightly. Not that he’s that invested or interested in his friends’ personal lives. It’s just one thing that he actually has in common with one of his, dare he say, friends. “Did you ever know your real parents?” He blurts out. 

Lavi shakes his head. He doesn’t seem to mind the question though. “No. Well, not that I can remember anyway. The old man’s never told me anything either; just that, he  _ found  _ me one day, I guess. I never thought he was my dad or anything, though. He never had to explain to me that we aren’t related. I guess I just kinda always  _ knew. _ ”

Kanda hums in acknowledgement. He wishes he could relate to that part. 

“What about you?” Lavi inquired. When Kanda doesn’t answer, he prods his arm. “Come on, I opened up to you.” 

Kanda sighs. He  _ hates  _ talking about his family situation. But, if he started this conversation…

“I never knew my real family, either.” He says. His eyes stay glued to the table with all his Chemistry studies. “My earliest memory is being in a foster home. But some… shit went down. Next thing I knew, I was in a new house, with a new foster family. Tiedoll got attached pretty fast, though, and I was being adopted.” 

“That’s pretty vague.”

“Yeah, well, so was yours.”

“Fair enough…” Lavi purses his lips. “You’ve mentioned your brothers before, though. Are you related to any of them?”

“No. Daisya and Marie were both already adopted, and Chaoji came a few years after I did.” 

Lavi nods, smiling just a little bit. Not his normal, trouble-maker grin. But a genuine, small smile. “You’re lucky. I mean, it sucks to be put in that situation in the first place. But I wish I lived with other kids and had siblings.”

“Trust me, you don’t.”

They fall quiet for a moment and Kanda picks up his pencil again. For once, he doesn’t feel a blanket of annoyance around him, or like Lavi’s forced his way into getting Kanda to speak. The comfortable silence is shattered mere seconds later though, when Lavi has to ask, “So, do you think we can hang out at your house sometime?”

“If I give you five dollars will you go away?” 

<><><><><><>

Kanda, despite himself, does find more time to long on to World of Worlds for an hour or two for a few nights. However, the roles seem to be reversed now; Ōzuchi is never online. At least, not when Kanda is. This strikes Kanda as odd, considering Ōzuchi’s usually online both before and after Kanda gets on. Oh well. He spends the time playing with Daisya instead. 

Kanda doesn’t speak to Ōzuchi until two weeks later, where they behave like nothing ever happened. 

Two weeks later, Kanda stops having to give Lavi lunch money. 


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanda's a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter aah!! I'm sorry, but I really liked where it was ended, and didn't want to ruin it!

Kanda’s not an emotional person; anyone that knows him for more than five minutes can tell you that. He doesn’t get emotional, and he definitely doesn’t  _ deal  _ with emotional people. Which is why he’s confused as all hell that both Allen and Lenalee have come to  _ him,  _ separately, to talk about their relationship problems. 

“We’re not having  _ issues,  _ exactly.” Allen laments over their meal at Burger King, of all places. Kanda, the health nut, would rather die than eat greasy fast food, so he’s just got lemonade. Allen, the glutton, has ordered 5 full meals, and is in the middle of devouring his fourth burger. “It’s more like, I don’t know? We’re better off as friends, I feel like.”

“Then end it.” Kanda mutters for what felt like the hundredth time since they got here. 

“But I can’t tell her that! I might hurt her, and that’s the last thing I want to do!”

“Then don’t end it.” 

“BaKanda, you just don’t  _ get  _ it, do you?” Allen frowns around a mouthful of fries. “You emotionally constipated relationship-virgin.” 

Kanda sneers. “Then why the hell did you come to  _ me _ ?” 

“Lavi doesn’t know me or Lenalee like you do! Besides, he’s only into girls- I think.”

Kanda grits his back teeth and knocks over his drink in his haste to grab Allen’s collar. “You’d better choose your next words  _ very  _ carefully, Moyashi.” 

“Easy, BaKanda!” Allen wrenches his fist off. Kanda makes a face of disgust at the grease that’s left on his skin. He grabs a napkin to rub it off. When he looks back up, Allen no longer looks cheeky, or angry, or even hungry. His food lays half-eaten, and his eyes stay downcast. “Kanda, I know you’re not very…  _ personal,  _ but can I just ask, when did you, uh,  _ know _ ?”

“Know  _ what _ ?” Kanda rolls his eyes, still rubbing the residue off of his fingers. 

“That you’re into boys.” 

Kanda stares at Allen for a few moments. Despite their many arguments and fights, Allen has never brought up Kanda’s sexual orientation, not even to throw it in his face. Homophobia does not run in Allen’s DNA. Now that Kanda thinks of it, he doesn’t know if they’ve even talked about it since he came out two years ago. The brat definitely got on his nerves, and Kanda would never call them friends. But he also knows that anguished look on Allen’s face; identifies with what he must be feeling in his heart (even if people claim Kanda doesn’t have one). 

His mouth opens and closes a few times as he tries to decide on what to say. “Do you think that you are?”

“I-” Allen starts, but falls silent just as easily. He shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe? I don’t know. I’m confused.”

Kanda sighs through his nostrils. Why was he suddenly the “expert” here? “Questioning is normal. There doesn’t have to be straight and gay, by the way. You  _ can  _ like both, or neither.” 

“I know that. I just think I might  _ also  _ be into boys. I can’t deny I like Lenalee but lately, I don’t know…” 

“Tell her, then.” Kanda says, but without his normal accent of annoyance. “It’s Lenalee. She wouldn’t want you to be suffering on the inside either.” 

Allen nods his head slowly. “Yeah, yeah you’re right. I’ll talk to her tonight.” He smiles at Kanda. “Thanks, Kanda. Maybe you’re not such a stuck up asshole.” 

“I’ll still crush you, Moyashi.” 

<><><><><><>

Almost the first thing in the morning the next day, Lenalee is at Kanda’s door. Luckily, Kanda’s an early riser and is only halfway through his workouts anyway. She doesn’t say anything as he opens the door, but the timid smile on her face tells him everything. He opens the door wider in a silent invitation, which she takes. She leads the way to the living room and takes a seat on the sofa. Kanda doesn’t say anything as he walks into the kitchen, which is open to the living room, and starts making tea. He knows Lenalee will start talking when she wants to. Which is by the time he comes back, two hot cups of green tea with him. 

“Allen and I kind of broke up last night.” She says it so quietly, Kanda almost misses it. 

“I know.”

She nods. “He mentioned he talked to you.”

“I didn’t suggest he actually break up with you. Well, I kind of did. But-”

“I’m not upset.” Lenalee cuts in. “I mean, I’m sad it ended. But I want Allen to find out who he  _ is,  _ too. And I don’t want him stuck in a relationship where he’s not happy.” 

Kanda nods along. He’s never actually  _ dated  _ anyone, so he doesn’t really know exactly how that should feel. But he knows Lenalee enough to know this sounds exactly like her. She heaves a heavy sigh and leans over to rest her head just slightly on Kanda’s shoulder. He lets her. He doesn’t even comment when he hears the small hitches in her breath, or feels the cold spots of wet drops on his arm. 

Kanda’s not an emotional person. But maybe that’s why he’s a good support. 


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter break starts!

Despite whatever people say about staying friends after a breakup, Allen and Lenalee made it work. It’s like nothing ever happened, except that Kanda never has to see them kissing and rubbing noses anymore. Lavi doesn’t even question anything when they mention it to him. In less than a week, things have smoothed over. 

And in good time, too, because school is released after midterms for Christmas break. Kanda is just leaving his last test when an arm encompasses him around the neck. 

“I’m so glad that’s over!” Lavi exclaims. And then, just because he loves to be annoying, he scoops up armfuls of snow and throws it overhead with a giddy cheer. Kanda just scoffs and continues walking. 

“Oi, Yuu! I haven’t even shown you my early Christmas present, yet!” Lavi chases after him. “Come on!” 

“Why can’t you just show me right here?” Kanda sighs. 

“Because it’s far too big for that. Come on!” 

Lavi doesn’t wait for an answer. He grabs Kanda’s hand and practically drags him across the school campus. Kanda has to hold onto his book bag with his other arm just to keep from dropping everything. He doesn’t miss the occasional look from nearby students; Kanda’s kept from the spotlight for years (aside from the kendo mat), but Lavi’s made a pretty good name for himself in the two months he’d been here. Falling on his face in the ice and snow because his friend is a moron is  _ not  _ on Kanda’s bucket list. But Lavi also has a strong grip. 

Finally, Lavi halts and lets go of Kanda’s hand to gesture to a vehicle before him. “Ta-da!” He sang. 

Kanda’s head dropped a few inches to  _ see  _ the thing; the tiny, white Mazda Miata. Then his eyes slid over to Lavi; or rather, his rather long and tall legs. “Can you  _ fit  _ in it?” He deadpans.

Lavi scoffs. “Duh.” He grins with excitement and climbs into the driver’s seat. His head hardly came up to Kanda’s midriff. “See?” Lavi stretches his limbs out experimentally. “Plenty of room to- ow!” He hisses when his knee comes in contact with something behind the wheel. 

“Oh, yeah. I real chic-magnet.” Kanda rolls his eyes. 

“Okay, okay. It’s not the  _ best  _ looking car in the yard. But it’s a car. You don’t have to walk to school anymore!” 

Kanda arches a brow at him. “I am  _ not  _ getting in that thing.” 

“Sure you are! Please?” Lavi pouts at him, hands clasped together like he’s praying. 

Kanda’s sure whatever bits of pride he has left will be obliterated as soon as he sits in the car. Still, it’s freezing. And he knows Lavi will never live it down. 

With a resigned sigh, he throws his bag behind the passenger seat and sits down with a hard grunt. 

“It’s further down than it looks, huh?” Lavi grins apologetically. 

Kanda feels  _ ridiculous.  _ The car looks like a clown car, and with the way Kanda’s knees are practically touching his chest, he’s sure he looks like a clown. Lavi, however, looks like he couldn’t be happier. 

“You really like this car?”

“Yeah!” Lavi nods, and then shrugs. “Okay, not really. In fact, it’s kinda crappy. It doesn’t run the best, either, especially in this weather. But Gramps got it for me, so it’s kinda special. I never thought he’d get me a car. Even if it is just something to drive until I can get my motorcycle license.” 

“Your motorcycle license?” Kanda blinks. He didn’t expect to hear that. 

“Yeah. I really want a bike. They’re just so  _ cool,  _ and fast! And freeing. These just feel like metal death traps to me.” 

“That’s a little backwards.” 

Lavi laughs out loud. “Maybe it is. I dunno. I just really want a bike, man.” 

“Whatever. Are you going to take me home, or what?” 

<><><><><><>

The good thing about winter break is that it gives Kanda a lot of spare time to work out and practice his kendo and martial arts. The bad thing about it is that it also gives his friends plenty of free time as well. And they love nothing more than bothering Kanda. 

He can’t help but feel a little bit betrayed as Lenalee leads Allen and Lavi into the gym he normally works out in. The gym that  _ only  _ she knew about. Until now. 

“What’re you doing here?” He huffs, but doesn’t move from his stretching position. 

“We want to spend time with ya, Yuu. It’s winter break. Hanukkah is right around the corner!” 

“And Christmas!” Allen chimes in. “Also my birthday-”

Kanda ignores them and swaps legs. “Why do I care?” 

“Because,” Lavi smirks. “I have a getaway cabin we can take for the rest of the month.” 

Kanda glances up at him. “Oh, joy.” He says sarcastically. “Spending my break being stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with no one but you three.” 

“The alternative is spending it here with your family.” Lavi shrugs. 

Fair point. Kanda ignores it and goes back to stretching his arms over his head. 

“Come on, Kanda!” Lenalee pleads. “It would be so fun! And it’s our last holidays here  _ together.  _ And our first with Lavi! It’s the first we get to also celebrate Hanukkah.”

“What’s up with that, anyway?” Kanda looks at the redhead. “I thought you weren’t religious.” 

“I said I wasn’t Christian or Buddhist. I never said I wasn’t Jewish~” 

Kanda rolls his eyes and starts to walk away from them and onto the mat. 

“How about a bet, then? A match?” Lavi challenges. 

All three of his friends turn to look at him in confusion. “A match?” Allen repeats. 

“Yeah. Unless Yuu is too  _ scared. _ ” 

Kanda narrows his eyes. “Name your terms.” 

Lavi smirks with confidence. “A regular wrestling match. You win, we’ll leave you alone your entire winter break. I win, you come with us on our little vacation. Deal?” He holds his hand out to Kanda.

Kanda, being a man of pride and honor, shakes. “You’re on.” 

The confident smirk on Lavi’s face only grows as he removes his jacket, scarf, and headband. Lenalee looks rather nervous. “Lavi, you haven’t seen-”

“Relax, Lena-lady. You guys haven’t seen  _ me  _ either.” He hands her his things and then removes his shoes. 

Kanda allows him a few moments to stretch. Not that he needs it. Allen and Lenalee both look extremely interested and concerned. “Prepare to meet your match, Yuu.” 

“Yeah, prepare to eat your words, Usagi.” 

Lavi blinks. “Rabbit-?”

Kanda shakes his head. “Are you ready?” 

Lenalee waits for both of them to affirm that they’re ready and then waves her arm. “Go!”

Kanda’s not dumb enough to go for the first move straight away. Neither, it seems, is Lavi. They spend a minute circling on the mat, knees bent and arms out and ready. Lavi’s grin never wavers. Kanda tries not to pay attention to the way his opponent’s red hair looks without a headband. 

Lavi strikes first, and  _ fast.  _ He ducks under Kanda’s instinctive lunge and hugs his right leg, toppling them both onto the mat. Lavi’s on top for a split second before Kanda throws his weight up, throwing Lavi off. But Lavi won’t allow himself to be pinned down either. 

They roll across the mat a few times before Kanda kicks Lavi’s foot out from underneath him. Lavi lands on his side, and Kanda has him pinned for a split second before Lavi wriggles free. He wraps a leg around Kanda’s and twists. Kanda tries to grab for his hands but Lavi’s faster. He grabs Kanda’s wrists and holds them next to his face while the rest of his body pins Kanda’s underneath his. A foot planted on Kanda’s ankles, Kanda tries to writhe and wriggle free. But, once again, Lavi’s grip is like an iron shackle. He’s pinned.

“Game!” Lenalee calls. Allen laughs with giddy cheer as Lavi hops up again like nothing happened. Kanda curses himself and runs a hair through his hair, which had fallen out of its normal ponytail at some point during the match. Kanda’s not a sore loser, and he doesn’t sulk. But to  _ Lavi,  _ of all people. Where the hell did he learn to fight and wrestle!? 

An emerald green eye suddenly finds its way right in front of Kanda’s face. “Come on, Yuu. It was a fair match.” Lavi leans up and offers a hand down to Kanda.

Kanda, though not a sore loser, still doesn’t want his help. “Tch. Whatever.” He gets up from the ground by  _ himself _ , and gathers up his things. 

“Kanda lo-ost! Kanda lo-ost!” Allen dances and cheers

Kanda trips him on his way to the locker room.

“We’ll see you on the 16th, Yuu! We leave at noon!” Lavi calls after him. 


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part One of the Holiday Vacation!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been like over a week I'm sorry!

Kanda’s many things, but he’s not dishonest. He doesn’t go back on his word. Since he  _ did  _ shake on it, and Lavi  _ did _ beat him, Kanda had no real choice but to go on this trip. His only hope is that the car ride is not too long. 

Tiedoll was kind enough to lend them his SUV; or rather, he forced Kanda into taking it. (Lavi’s car was deemed a “death trap” for being so small, and only fit two people anyway). There was plenty of space, so nobody was crammed into any backseats or crunched up behind the front seats. Lavi took the wheel while Kanda navigated, Lenalee and Allen in the back. 

The trip was really only about six hours long; long enough that Kanda could feel his patience wearing thin with both Lavi and Allen in close proximity without him being able to escape. Once or twice he might’ve even been tempted to jump out of the car and walk home. 

Finally, when they arrive, it’s just before sunset. The vacation “cottage” as Lavi called it, is hardly just that; it’s roughly the size of a mansion. All wooden, sure. But Kanda has to wonder if Lavi secretly owns a skiing lodge instead of a house. Snow covers the roof and frosts the outside of the building, giving it a nice view that should make the face of every Christmas postcard. There’s a large balcony on the side, with a grill and picnic table that obviously hadn’t been used in a while. Even from here, Kanda can see the hot tub. 

“Well, guys, welcome to ‘Casa de Bookman’!” Lavi cheers, his arms spread wide as they walk inside. 

The interior is just as large and impressive as the outside. Despite Lavi claiming they haven’t used the place in a few years, it looks clean and lively. Lavi dashes around, turning on lamps and the fireplace. Then he takes all four suitcases in his arms. 

“Rooms are upstairs; we all have our own but they’re all in the same hall. Come on, I’ll give ya a tour!” 

Kanda really has no room to object; he’d like to know where his escape place will be. He follows the other three to an elevator (a freaking _elevator?_) and silently wonders to himself just how rich Lavi’s caretaker is. Given Lavi’s usually disheveled appearance (ratty scarves, rough eyepatch, old clothes), Kanda never would’ve guessed he came from such luxury. Not that Kanda’s the kind to care about such materialistic things. 

True to his word, Lavi shows them the bedrooms, dropping a suitcase in each one they stop at. Kanda’s not surprised he’s at the end of the hall, but his only neighbor is Lavi. Naturally. He supposes it’s better than Allen, though. 

“So! Let’s get settled in, and then we can decorate for Christmas!” Lavi claps his hands in excitement. 

“Decorate? With what?” Allen asks. Out of his coat pops a tiny golden head of a cat; his pet, Timcanpy, whom Allen refused to leave home alone with his “guardian”. 

“I brought some things! Don’t worry your pretty little head, Al~” Lavi grins and ruffles his white hair. “Meet in the living room at 1700 hours?” 

Allen and Lenalee agree easily. Kanda just spins on his heel and walks to his temporary bedroom; he’s sure whether he shows up or not, he’ll be forced into it by Lenalee at the least. 

As soon as the door closes, Kanda takes the opportunity to fall onto the queen-sized bed. He wonders if Lavi had time to come up here to prepare before, considering nothing’s even dusty or looked untouched. And the bed smells of fresh linen. But six hours to and back seems a little too far just to touch up a whole “cottage”. Then again, Lavi’s seemed so excited about this trip, Kanda thought he might just explode. 

Just as promised, as soon as 5 o’clock comes around, Lavi’s frantically knocking on Kanda’s door. “Yuu! Come on, it’s time to start decorating!” 

Kanda has half a mind to ignore him and continue his quiet solitude. But Lavi’s knocking insists, and he even calls out, “Yuu, I’m gonna open the door- hope you’re not naked!” 

Just as the doorknob starts to turn, Kanda yanks the door open. “Do you ever  _ shut up _ ?” He hisses. 

Lavi just grins confidently. “Not when I have something I want~” 

Kanda rolls his eyes. He leads the way down the hall and downstairs. Lenalee and Allen are sitting at the dining table, a large tupperware bucket full of tacky decorations in front of them. Timcanpy has already entangled himself in a piece of tinsel. 

“Seriously?” Kanda questions. He arches a brow as he picks up a plastic snowman. “Did you buy all this shit at a thrift store or something?” 

“Heh, maybe some of it.” Lavi answers, an embarrassed flush spreading over his cheeks. But he’s just as soon over it as he turns on his bluetooth speaker and starts blaring Christmas music. “Okay, game plan! Lena-lady, you can decorate the Christmas tree. Allen, you do all the knick-knacks. Yuu and I will do the wall and ceiling things, since we’re the tallest. Or, well,  _ I’ll  _ do the actual decorating. Yuu can, be Yuu. And Timcanpy, be cute!” Lavi flashes another grin and then claps his hands. “Ready- go!” 

<><><><><><> 

Kanda has to admit, it's not as bad as he still pretends it is. The music isn't blaring (still annoying, but not horrible); Allen and Lavi are (mostly) too busy decorating to bother him. Kanda stays seated in the living room, a mug of tea steaming on the coffee table before him. Lenalee's given him the task of untangling the lights and tinsel she's using for the tree. Not that Kanda minds; it's a simple task and it gives him an opportunity to enter a somewhat meditative state. Like this, maybe their little vacation won't be so aggravating. 

Of course, Kanda's hopes are dashed when Timcanpy, apparently having gotten bored with his tinsel, instead targeted the star on top of the Christmas tree. He launches himself off the back off the couch and tears into the tree, knocking it to the floor with a crash and hundreds of bells jingling. The motion rips the string of lights out of Kanda's grasp, the wire cutting into his palms aggressively. 

"Shit!" He curses, holding his left hand. "Moyashi- control your demon cat!" 

"He's not a demon, BaKanda. You are." Allen huffs, sticking his tongue out at him. He picks Timcanpy up, who's still attacking an angel ornament. 

"Look at what he did!" Kanda snaps, motioning to the tree and then his hands, where an angry red line has appeared across the palms. 

"You probably deserved it." Allen sniffs, but then fixes a stern look at his cat. "Still, he shouldn't have. Attacking trees is a big no-no, Tim." 

The cat seems to have no care and continues thrashing playfully in Allen's arms. 

Lavi runs over and kneels on the floor beside Kanda, grabbing his wrists. "Lemme see, Yuu. Those friction burns can really suck." He mumbles and then hisses at the wounds. "Man…"

"It's fine." Kanda quips, snatching his hands back. He doesn't like the way Lenalee is eyeballing the two of them. "Doesn't hurt."

"But-" 

"Don't worry about it." Kanda snaps and stands up. He walks around Lavi to the dining room table and sits down over there instead, his arms crossed. Nevermind the dull throbbing in his palms; he wouldn't let them see him bothered by something so small. 

The other three work together to fix the tree upright again, Timcanpy safely distracted elsewhere. Kanda forces himself to focus on sifting through the rest of the cheesy decorations in the bin, careful to avoid irritating his injuries. There’s nothing there he would suggest putting up in his own home, or do himself. But he picks out the ones he supposes are  _ acceptable  _ for this scenario. 

He’s almost completely forgotten what even happened when he hears Lavi moan, “Oh, man…” 

Kanda looks over to see what could’ve possibly dampen his spirits. Lavi’s bent over, picking up the pieces of something metal. His face looks crestfallen and Kanda’s chest for some dumb reason tightens uncomfortable. “My menorah…” 

“Oh, Lavi.” Lenalee frowns and rests a supporting hand on his back. “It must’ve fallen when the tree fell.” 

“Lavi, I’m so sorry.” Allen looks  _ genuinely  _ upset and guilty, like he’s the one that broke it instead of the cat. 

Lavi stands up slowly, studying the pieces in his hands. For someone that’s talked about not being so attached to people or places, he seems pretty upset about the menorah being broken. But he dumps the remains in the trash and plasters on a fake grin anyway. “Don’t worry about it, Sprout~ I’ll just go into town and buy a new one! Although, this close to the holidays, it might be hard…” He shrugs. “No biggie. We’ve got a couple days. ‘Sides! Tim was just having fun- huh, Tim?” Lavi scratches the golden cat’s ears. Lenalee and Allen look at each other before they go back to decorating, having apparently decided that Lavi would be okay. 

They don’t notice the subtle tears clinging to Lavi’s lower lashes like Kanda does. 


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of the Holiday Vacation!

The week before Christmas really wasn’t as bad as Kanda might’ve predicted. The weather wasn’t even awful; it snowed, but not heavy enough. Just the right amount so that the other three could sled and make snowmen while Kanda ran into town to buy some groceries (and maybe some last minute gifts).

Hanukkah doesn’t start until December 26th this year, so Lavi really hasn’t been too bummed about the menorah incident. At least, not in front of them, anyway. Kanda has a feeling it hurt him pretty deep, though. Not once did Lavi try to bug Kanda in his room, or to beg him (too much) to have a snowball fight outside. Kanda’s thought Lavi wasn’t all that close to his caretaker, but maybe he was wrong. Or maybe it was from the family he had before. Kanda’s not sure. Not that it’s any of his business, either; if Lavi wants them to know, surely he’d’ve talked about it before. 

Still, the absence Lavi’s created for him causes some unrest in the group. Well, maybe not the group. Allen and Lenalee seem normal. But Kanda’s found himself willingly go into the living room or the kitchen if he hears the redhead come inside. Whether or not Lavi’s noticed, he can’t tell. He hopes he hasn’t; the teasing would  _ never  _ end. Lavi does seem more at ease when Kanda joins them, though. Kanda can practically see the muscles in his body relax. Why he has this effect on Lavi, Kanda doesn’t know. It’s puzzled him all week. But Kanda knows better than to ask; Lavi’s not so obvious about it, but he’s made a habit of lying. 

_ When  _ Kanda started paying so much attention to Lavi, he has no idea either. 

<><><><><><> 

Kanda’s an early riser on any other given day; he’s normally up and out of bed at 4 am, no later than 4:30. But on Christmas morning, he’s actually the last up. Which has already thrown a wrench in his day; the early hours give him time to meditate and caffeinate properly before the others wake up to bother him. He’s practically dragged into the living room by a chattering Lavi. Lenalee, bless her soul, already has a mug of green tea that she hands to Kanda as soon as he sits on the couch. 

“Okay, okay it’s present time, come on!” Lavi practically vibrates with excitement. 

“Go ahead, then. No one’s stopping you.” Kanda huffs and then takes a long sip of his tea. 

“Come on, Yuu.” Lavi nudges him with an arm. “We’re opening presents  _ together-  _ whether you like it or not!” 

Kanda just rolls his eyes. “Fine, whatever.” 

Lavi and Allen both cheer and make a mad dive for the tiny pile of presents under the tree. They both take the time to separate them by person, handing them to Kanda and Lenalee. Once they’re properly divided, Lavi takes a seat on the floor by the coffee table adjacent to Kanda; Allen’s on the other couch opposite from them. Timcanpy joins his master, sitting beside him contentedly. As long as he didn’t cause any more mayhem, Kanda didn’t care one way or the other where the cat was. 

“Okay- should we go biggest to smallest, or smallest to biggest? How do you guys usually do it?” Lavi asks, rubbing his hands together. 

“Well, I usually only get the one, so-” Allen mutters, not-so-casually eyeballing a rather large present. 

“I say smallest to biggest!” Lenalee suggests. “Builds up the excitement! But don’t forget, we have the next eight days as well!” 

“Right!” Lavi winks at her (at least, Kanda assumes it’s a wink. It’s hard to tell with the eyepatch sometimes.) and grabs the smallest present from his bunch. 

Simultaneously, they all begin ripping into their gifts, some more vigorously (Lavi and Allen) than the others. Kanda’s first present is from Lenalee; a book about swords. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her he already has this copy, so he gives her a nod of appreciation instead. From Allen he receives an instruction manual for cutting bangs, and a pair of scissors. Kanda flips him off and moves on to the third, and the biggest, gift. It’s almost as long as the coffee table is, but it’s thin. Kanda has an inkling as to what it is even before he begins to unwrap it. He tries not to pay attention to the way Lavi is suddenly watching his every move, ignoring his own gifts. Once the paper is gone, Kanda takes the lid off the box. His hunch is right, but it still doesn’t lessen the tight feeling in his chest. 

In the box is a new shinai; a wooden sword used for both practice and competition. This one seems to be made of bamboo. Kanda lifts it out of the box, giving it an experimental twist or two. Then he puts it back in the box once he sees Lavi’s stupid grin. 

“You like it?” Lavi asks. His lopsided grin doesn’t look like one of mischievous humor, or even just casual friendliness. It looks… goofy, on his face; slightly subdued, a little lazy, but genuinely  _ happy,  _ like he’s in-

Kanda stops that train of thought and snaps the lid of the box down again. “It’s fine.” He answers brusquely. Lavi’s expression doesn’t dim, and he notices Lenalee’s own goofy smile, eyes darting between the two of them. 

“I thought you were exploding to open yours; how did I beat you?” Kanda quips at the redhead. He’s only opened the two from Allen and Lenalee; a new eyepatch and headband, and a red rabbit plush. 

“I got, uh, distracted.” Lavi laughs sheepishly and pulls the gift from Kanda into his lap. 

Kanda has the urge to get up and run away before he even pulls open the paper. But Lenalee fixes a strong hand on his knee and refuses to let up. Kanda keeps his eyes glued to the coffee table before him. He counts the numerous nicks and stains so he won’t focus on the sound of Lavi ripping into the wrapping paper (which really wasn’t wrapped that nicely in the first place). His concentration is broken when he hears the surprised gasp leave Lavi’s mouth. The self-conscious curiosity won’t allow him to ignore the sound; his eyes slide over to the redhead. 

From the cardboard box in his lap, Lavi gingerly lifts a golden menorah. It doesn’t look anything like the old one; that one was silver, and obviously old. This one, while it didn’t look  _ brand  _ new, was more updated. The main shaft has a star of David just before it branches into the different candle holders. Simply put, at least in Kanda’s eyes, it was the prettiest menorah he could find in town. It won’t replace the one Lavi lost, but at least now he had one of his own. 

There’s a silence amongst them now, and Kanda realizes Allen and Lenalee are also watching with bated breath. Lavi seems to be shocked, no emotion on his face as he studies the menorah in his hands. He hasn’t even touched the box of candles also included (Kanda wasn’t sure if he had enough or not- blame him). Then Kanda notices with a start that his green eye overflows with tears. 

In half a second, where there was no emotion, there’s a plethora of them now. Lavi sets the menorah on the coffee table gingerly before he practically tackles Kanda in a bone-crushing hug. 

“Yuu! Thank you- I mean, I didn’t- I completely didn’t- wouldn’t have thought- I- I’m-” The redhead’s breath hitches, his sentence coming out in choked fragments as he practically sobs into Kanda’s shoulder. 

Kanda, who was frozen in shock for a moment, regains his composure and shoves Lavi off of him. “Whatever. It’s just a stupid relic.” He mutters. 

Lavi continues sniffling on the floor, but instead of Kanda, he cradles the menorah in his arms. Lenalee and Allen are quick to pretend nothing happened and get up to start cleaning up the wrapping paper. Kanda gets up to replenish his tea, and also stops by his room to put the gifts away (Allen’s goes straight in the trash). But the shinai takes a spot on the bed for now. Kanda frowns as he studies the long box; he really doesn’t like the way that wooden sword makes his chest feel. Especially when he remembers it’s from Lavi. Maybe because he’s not supposed to like anything to do with that rabbit. 

But then, why did he go to town just to get him a new menorah? Something that clearly meant so much to him? 

Obviously because he was the only one that could go into town; neither Lenalee or Allen had a license to drive. At least, that’s what he tells himself. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s taken out the shinai and is holding it in his hands until he hears his bedroom door open. 

“I knocked,” Lavi declares, his hands held up. “Guess ya didn’t hear.” 

He seems more composed now. His eye still looks a little bloodshot, but the tears and the snot are gone. He even has a little grin on his face again. 

“I’m glad you like it. The shinai, I mean.” He says, his voice soft for once. Not the loud, boisterous noise it normally is. “I asked Lenalee to help, but honestly, neither of us are very knowledgeable about kendo.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Kanda says. He studies the shinai in his hand. It’s very well balanced. He wouldn’t be surprised if Lavi’s lying about not knowing anything. “I thought we were supposed to have a price limit.” 

“Ah, yeah…” Lavi rubs the back of his neck. “Well, I actually bought it before we even thought of doing the vacation. And by that time the return period was up and well,” Lavi shrugs. “I got you something else, too. But I didn’t want to give it to you in front of them.”

He pulls out a little box from his jacket pocket. It’s bigger than the palm of his hand, but Kanda’s puzzled as to what it could be. He places the shinai on the bed and then takes the box from Lavi. It has a little weight to it, but it’s not bad. He unties the red ribbon from around it and lets it fall to the floor. Peeking into the box, Kanda realizes it’s made of glass. He gingerly takes it out and studies it. It’s a lotus flower; a porcelain glass lotus flower. Kanda’s favorite. But there’s no way he could know… is there?

“How did you-?”

“I’m more observant than people give me credit for.” Lavi smiles that goofy lopsided smile again. “Plus Lenalee’s told me a thing or two.”

“But she doesn’t even know, I mean… I’ve never told anyone.” 

Lavi just shrugs, and that immediately infuriates Kanda more than anything. “I guess you like it then?” 

“Tch.” Kanda doesn’t answer. But he places the flower in its box and sets it down on the nightstand. “You’re still annoying.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Lavi laughs. “Come on, I think they’re about to make hot chocolate~” 

“Gross.” Kanda’s lip curls. But he still follows Lavi out of his room and down the hall. 

He nearly runs into him, though, when Lavi stops dead, eyes glued up. Kanda follows his line of vision to the door frame above them, where a crudely taped plant is hanging. 

“Mistletoe.” Lavi says unhelpfully, like Kanda doesn’t already know what it is. “Those two must’ve- Yuu, I swear I wouldn’t-”

Kanda’s eyes fall from the plant to the redhead beside him. There’s a light flush dusted across his cheeks, and he seems flustered beyond reason again. Or scared. Kanda’s brow slightly furrows at that expression, and his floundering hands. Or is it at the way the flush only makes the freckles on his nose stand out more. Or how chapped his lips have gotten since they got here, and-

Ah.

So that’s it. 

A few things click into place all at once, and that uncomfortable feeling returns to Kanda’s chest. But it doesn’t feel as uncomfortable this time. 

Lavi’s still blubbering a hundred miles a second, his green eye flickering between Kanda, the mistletoe, the floor, the wall- at least, up until Kanda leans over to place a very light, and very chaste kiss to his cheek. All movement and speech stop all at once. In fact, Lavi seems to go comatose for a second. 

Kanda doesn’t stick around to see him come out of it. He figures it takes only a few seconds, though, because he hears giddy footsteps running after him. 


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first morning back to school after the winter break!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really really short chapter, again. Buuuut it was worth it, I think. (:

By the time school starts up again, Kanda has already broken in the new shinai. The glass lotus flower also remains in his bedroom, right on top of his computer desk. Despite the annoyance Lavi is, Kanda was worried for a while that Daisya would break in, do something stupid, and inevitably break it. Kanda isn't normally a sentimental person by any means. He just likes it, that's all. 

Neither he nor Lavi have brought up the kiss. Kanda wouldn't be surprised if Lavi was too nervous to. Kanda hasn't simply because he doesn't  _ talk  _ about things. And, if he's being really honest, he doesn't know  _ why  _ he did it in the first place. Maybe because in comparison to the two gifts he received from Lavi, a simple menorah seemed weak. But then, Kanda's never worried about monetary value in the first place. 

Lenalee's badgered him about his "feelings", of which he insists there is none. But he can't deny that, in that moment, he  _ had  _ wanted to kiss Lavi. To himself, anyway. No one else has to be any the wiser. 

Kanda's morning routine hasn't really changed over the break, and it doesn't when they go back. That is, up until he's about to walk out the door and he hears his phone chime. 

**I'll give u a ride 2 school. Still snowy out. ** A text message from Lavi (dubbed "Usagi" in his phone) reads. 

Kanda doesn't reply but he does wait outside on the balcony. Sure enough, the little white car pulls up and stops in the street. They haven't really seen each other since they came home from the vacation, but Kanda doesn't miss the way his chest still makes that uncomfortable clench when Lavi grins at him. 

"Hey, Yuu. Ready to put your nose to the grind again?" Lavi greets as Kanda drops into the car. 

"Just, drive." Kanda retorts, hugging his bookbag to his chest. 

"Okay, okay." Lavi chuckles but it sounds strained, or nervous. Kanda doesn't question it. Up until Lavi clears his throat four times in the span of two minutes. 

"Okay, what is your problem?" Kanda demands. 

"W-What do you mean, Yuu?" Lavi chuckled shakily again. 

"You're stiff, and shaky, and…  _ weird. _ "

"You always say I'm weird." 

" _ Usagi- _ " 

"Okay, okay." Lavi sighs, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. He hesitates, lets out a puff of air, and stops the car in the school's parking lot. "I haven't forgotten our, uh, mistletoe kiss. In fact, I think about it  _ all  _ the time. But I know you probably don't want to talk about it given that you've, uh… ignored it. And haven't mentioned it. But-"

"Where are you-"

"I'm  _ getting _ there, Yuu." Lavi lets out a frustrated sigh and runs his hands through his hair. "IreallylikeyouYuu." He rushes out, shaking his head. "I've liked you since, like, my first day here. And I mean I've wanted to, uh, kiss  _ you _ but you're not… like that. But then you were and now I'm, like, uh…" 

Kanda scrutinizes Lavi, his eyes narrowing the more Lavi talks. "Are you trying to ask me out?" 

Lavi's face quickly turns dark red, like something out of a cartoon. "Y-Yes. Maybe. I-If you wanted." 

"Fine."

Lavi blinks and finally looks over at Kanda. "C-Come again?" 

"I said, fine."

"You'll go out with me?" 

"I'm getting out of the car."

“No! W-Wait, Yuu!” 

Kanda’s already climbing out of the car, however. But Lavi’s out and circled the car quicker, so Kanda doesn’t have time to steady himself before Lavi throws his arms around him. His elbow bangs against the top of the car, and his butt is pressed against the door, but for once, Kanda doesn’t complain. He doesn’t hug him back, either, though that doesn’t seem to bother Lavi. 

“Thank you, Yuu.” Lavi mumbles, his face resting by Kanda’s neck, his hot breath warming his whole body. “Thank you, thank you.” 

“Stop thanking me, idiot. I’m not doing you any favors.” Kanda mutters back, awkwardly shifting his weight. 

He feels Lavi smile against his throat, and then he lifts his head. Kanda notes how wet his eye looks, though there’s no real tears yet. But he looks happy, his green eye shining. “Yuu,” He sighs. He sweeps a strand of hair behind Kanda’s ear, which he doesn’t  _ hate _ , and then his hand is resting on his cheek. “Yuu,” He says again. “Can I kiss you?” 

Kanda sighs through his nostrils and has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re a complete idiot.” 

Lavi snorts. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

He doesn’t give Kanda time to retort before he closes the distance between them, his lips pressing against Kanda’s. 

It’s so different from their mistletoe kiss, which was quick and blocked off. This one is slower, and though Kanda’s never  _ really  _ kissed anyone before, he can’t deny that it feels… good. 

Lavi pulls away as the first bell rings across the campus. He doesn’t seem to care, though, given that he’s still grinning stupidly. Kanda doesn’t hate that way that blissful look on Lavi’s face makes him feel. 

“We need to go to class.” Kanda says after a moment. 

Lavi nods, and very slowly backs away from Kanda. “Yeah, you’re right. Hold on. Let me get my bag.” 

Kanda pushes himself off the car and adjusts his bag on his shoulder while he waits. Lavi grabs his own bag and then practically runs over to Kanda again, his smile never wavering. “Let’s go, Yuu.” 

Kanda doesn’t say anything and just starts walking to the main building. Lavi follows without complaint, though he does nudge Kanda’s hand with his pinky. Kanda makes no move to take his hand, but doesn’t move away either when Lavi does. 


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the long, unplanned hiatus! My laptop is currently broken, so it's a tad harder to write and upload right now. I'm borrowing a friend's though until I can buy a new one, so there's new hope!

“Kanda! How could you not tell me!?” Lenalee practically shrieks. 

They’ve been back from break for a week, but have only just had enough time to “hang out” with each other. Which, really just consists of waiting in the library for Lenalee’s and Allen’s rides home. 

“Because, I haven’t seen you in two weeks?” Kanda shrugs, also moving Lavi’s arm which is draping across his frame. 

“Texting, Kanda. We have  _ phones  _ for a  _ reason. _ ” She practically pouts. Then she turns on Lavi. “And  _ you-  _ I expected you to fill me in at  _ least _ !” 

Lavi holds up his free hand. “Sorry, Lenalady, honest!” 

“And after all the work I went through to help you... “ She sighs one final time, but seems to get over her annoyance easily given that she’s smiling in the next second. “Well, at least you’re finally together.”

“True!” Lavi grins and gives Kanda a gentle squeeze. “Oh, in  _ other  _ news, I’m officially trying out for the baseball team!” 

Allen, having been mostly silent during their “scaffle”, furrows his brow. “For one semester?”

Lavi shrugs. “Can’t help that I moved here late.” 

Kanda studies the profile of Lavi’s face. It’s harder, since he’s on his right side and thus his eye is hidden. Not that it matters; he can tell Lavi is happier, more relaxed. Kanda feels a small sense of pride knowing he was taking his advice from what seems so  _ long  _ ago. But then Kanda considers that they’re actually dating now, and that Lavi would be on a sports team. He hardly has free time to spare just hanging out, let alone going to games every week. Not only that, but being on a sports team pretty much automatically guarantees you popularity. Kanda’s not one to care for appearances or anything. But he has to wonder what kind of impact their… relationship (there, he said it) will put on Lavi’s chances of joining the team. 

_ Not  _ that he cares about him that much or anything. 

“Oh, Komui’s here, I have to run.” Lenalee stands up, grabbing her bag. “We need to get together for another study session soon!” 

“Sure thing!” Lavi shoots her a finger gun which turns into a wave as she leaves. 

Kanda stands up as well, making Lavi look up at him in confusion. “Yuu?” 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He mutters as he turns to leave the library. 

“What’s up with him?” Allen asks as he munches on a cheese stick. 

Lavi shrugs, still staring after his boyfriend. “No idea…” 

<><><><><><>

It’s only a week later that Kanda is sitting in his own living room, Lavi chilling on the couch beside him. Well, “chilling” might not be the right word, contrary to the boy’s calm and focused aura. But his hand on Kanda’s thigh said anything but. Kanda’s ignored it for the most part (it’s not unusual for Lavi to have some kind of physical contact these days), but when Lavi gives the muscle a slight squeeze, he jumps slightly. 

“What was that?” He all but demands. 

Lavi’s eyebrows arch up into his hairline. “Hm? What was what?” 

“That-” Kanda retorts, pinching Lavi’s hand. 

“Ouch! I’m sorry, Yuu. I didn’t realize you hated it so much.” 

“I don’t. But that doesn’t-” Kanda blinks when Lavi’s pained pout turns into a mischievous smirk. “What?”

“You don’t hate it? So that means you  _ like  _ it?” 

Kanda blinks once again and then tch’s. “Don’t do it again.” 

“Is that Yuu-language for ‘do it again’?” 

“ _ No. _ ” 

“Okay, okay.” Lavi chuckles and resorts to grabbing Kanda’s hand, their fingers entwining naturally. “Can I kiss you, at least? It’s been like, a whole  _ day. _ ”

“You poor thing.” Kanda responds, though he does put his textbook down. 

Lavi’s eye follows the book and then trails back up to Kanda’s face, stopping noticeably on his lips. “Yes, it’s true. Poor me.” He leans forward and connects their lips in the next moment. 

Every time they kiss is like the first time to Kanda, as cliche as it sounds. He’s wondered several times if Lavi has kissed people before, and how many times, because every time it makes all sense of logic leave his brain. He completely forgets that they’re in the middle of his living room, and his brothers are at home. Marie at least has the common sense and respect to leave Kanda to his own devices. Daisya is less predictable. Kanda just hopes he’s absorbed in some videogame for the time being or he is going to  _ seriously  _ murder him. Thankfully, Tiedoll is out on a business trip.

Up until now, their kisses have only been quick pecks or short liplocks. Whether it’s because Kanda feels safe and at home, or if he’s just had enough, he’s not sure. But he wraps his arms around Lavi’s neck (albeit a bit awkwardly since they’re still on the couch) and pulls him closer. Lavi makes a small noise of surprise in the back of his throat, but otherwise doesn’t complain, his own arms snaking around Kanda’s waist. Kanda loses the element of surprise quickly though, when Lavi’s tongue is gliding along his bottom lip. Kanda, not knowing what else to do, opens his mouth slightly, and Lavi takes the invitation gratefully. 

Without even really meaning to, Kanda shifts so he’s laying on the couch. Lavi accommodates, his arms holding himself up over Kanda but without interrupting their kiss. Not until Lavi pulls away, his forehead resting on Kanda’s collarbone. 

“Yuu,” He breathes out. Kanda notices for the first time how the temperature in the room seems to have climbed exponentially. “You drive me  _ crazy _ .” 

Kanda snorts. “That’s my line, idiot.” 

Lavi laughs a little, but it’s low and husky. Kanda hates the way it makes his stomach feel. The redhead looks up at him again, giving a little nip to his jaw. “We should be studying.” 

“You started it.” 

“Yeah, but you made it deeper.” 

“Did not.” 

Lavi groans and rests his head on Kanda’s chest. “I hate you so much.” 

Kanda can’t help the hand that runs through Lavi’s hair, his red tresses slipping through his fingers so easily. “That’s a lie.”

Lavi chuckles. It turns into a hum as he relaxes, his body weight not entirely uncomfortable against Kanda’s. “You got me.” He slides his arms under Kanda’s body, palms pressed against his shoulder blades. “Can I take a nap here, just like this?” 

Kanda doesn’t answer verbally. He continues carding his hand through Lavi’s hair, his other hand squished in the couch cushion somewhere. 

Lavi takes a nap, just like that. 


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavi tries out for the baseball team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me (: TW// Car accident, blood, dead bodies

Lavi’s never necessarily been a self-conscious or nervous type. Well, not to most things that  _ matter  _ anyway. His less-than-casanova style confession to Kanda aside. But right now, with his hands clammy and shaky, he can’t deny he’s pretty frecking nervous. After all, they go to a rather large school and there are no less than twenty people trying out for the baseball team. While Lavi’s probably better than the average player, he’s still got much to learn. 

His fingers open and close several times per minute on his baseball bat. He’s sure there are indents now on the rubber grip. Fidgeting somewhat helps the nerves, though. That, and his mind’s running about thirty miles too fast for him to realize he should probably stop. 

Kanda, who’s been sitting beside him for the pasty ten minutes, rolls his eyes and snatches the bat from his hands. “Stop it. You’re freaking me out.”

Lavi blinks out of his reverie and looks over at his boyfriend. “Hey, I need that.” He pouts. “And I can’t help it. What if… I don’t make the team?” 

The bat is practically flung into his lap. “You’ve practiced for weeks, and you’re already really good. Even Daisya thinks so, and his head is usually too fucked up on weed to make a solid opinion.” 

Lavi takes a deep breath in through his nostrils and then releases it out his mouth, a small smile curling his lips. “Yeah, you’re right, Yuu. I  _ am  _ pretty good.” 

“No need to get cocky or anything.” Kanda mutters, rolling his eyes. “Even if you don’t make it on the school team, you can try for the city team.” 

“That’s also true.” Lavi purses his lips. “But that won’t really help me college-wise.” 

Kanda blinks at that and looks over at the redhead. “You’re going to college?”

“Ah,” Lavi chuckles nervously. “Did I forget to mention?” He reaches over to take hold of Kanda’s hand, thumb brushing over his knuckles. “I decided to go to college here, with you. You were right, Yuu. I should do what I want, and not just what my old man expects me to do.”

Kanda nods a little, remembering the conversation in Lenalee’s kitchen months ago. “That’s good, I guess…”

Lavi laughs. “You guess? You don’t  _ want  _ me to go to college with you?” 

“I want you to do whatever it is you want.” Kanda rolls his eyes. “Regardless of what I’m doing, or what you feel for me.”

Lavi just smiles and kisses the back of Kanda’s hand. “I know.” He winks.

A loud whistle sounds through the whole field and all talking ceases. Lavi releases Kanda’s hand and instead grips his bat again. “Wish me luck, Yuu.” 

Kanda rolls his eyes and turns back to his textbook. “Whatever.” 

<><><><><><><><>

Kanda’s not really one for parties. Daisya’s thrown one every now and again, and those nights are conveniently ones where Kanda would spend the night at Lenalee’s (out in the living room, in plain sight, of course). But this one’s happening  _ at  _ Lenalee’s house, and it’s for his own boyfriend so really, Kanda has no other choice. 

“Will you wipe that scowl off your face?” Lenalee chastises, smacking his arm. “This is for Lavi! Besides, it’s not like there’s going to be very many people. The only friends he has are us, and Komui will be here.” 

“Oh that makes me feel tons better.” Kanda utters, eyeing her brother’s recent “experiment” in the corner of the living room. 

Lenalee just flashes her friendly smile and continues her task setting the table with heaps of food. Allen is sitting on the counter, eyeing the food and wrapping Lavi’s present, which is a new catcher’s mitt. The original plan was a new bat, but Lavi had soiled that pretty fast by splurging on a new one himself. 

“Is he on his way, yet?” Allen asks while trying to unstick his finger from a wad of tape. 

“He hasn’t texted me.” Kanda retorts, gesturing to the phone in his lap. “Probably got held up with Daisya talking about that stupid game.” 

“Oh, speaking of!” Lenalee exclaims. “Will you pretty please ask your brother if he’ll set me up on there? I’ve been  _ dying  _ to play and Komui’s only just got a decent computer!” 

“Ask him yourself.” Kanda grunts. “He’ll be here, anyway. He’s supposed to be bringing Lavi.” 

“I know, I just thought, y’know, since you’re brothers and all.” 

Kanda scowls at her for that. “We are  _ not  _ brothers, and he’s more likely to say yes to a girl than to me.” 

“Okay, okay. Sheesh.” 

Kanda turns back to his phone, which is still completely blank. At this point, it’s a little nerve-wracking, not that Kanda would ever display so. But really, he only lived about five minutes away. They should  _ at least  _ be on their way. Or maybe they are and just forgot to text saying so. Still, Daisya said he’d give them the heads up… 

“I’m going to call and see where they’re at.” Kanda huffs, a bad feeling creeping up from his stomach. 

“I’m sure they’ve only lost track of time.” Allen says, sliding off the counter and snatching up a strawberry. 

Kanda ignores him and steps into the living room, calling Daisya first. It rings four times. “Hey!”

Kanda sighs. “Daisya-” 

“You’ve reached Daisya, D-Boy if ya nasty. Ahah, just kidding. But I can’t answer right now so leave a name and number and I’ll get back to ya!” 

Kanda doesn’t leave a message. He hangs up and tries Lavi’s number. It’s the same thing. Dread starts to creep in, his shoulders tensing and breathing harder. This is a feeling he hasn’t felt in years. Not since Alma. 

The front door opens and Kanda’s head snaps up. But it’s only Lenalee’s brother, arms full of groceries. “What happened?” Komui asks. 

“What do you mean?” Lenalee furrows her brow. 

“There’s an ambulance and several police cars about half a block-”

Kanda doesn’t hear the rest because he’s practically already running out the door. It’s not hard to figure which way they are; the sirens are still blaring. His phone is gripped so tightly in his fist, there’s an inkling in the back of his mind that he might break it. But the rest of his mind is just screaming  _ Not again… Not again, please…  _

He’s at the scene in a matter of minutes, and it’s gruesome. Kanda’s never been in a car accident, and he hopes he never does. Between the police and their vehicles, he can see the crushed remains of a horrifyingly familiar blue car. Daisya’s car, without a doubt. It’s flipped over on it’s top on the side of the road. Someone’s lying on the asphalt next to it, a white sheet already covering the body and Kanda feels sick. The EMTs and police are on the passenger side, trying to get someone else out. 

An officer lays a hand on Kanda’s shoulder to keep him back, but Kanda pushes back. “That’s my brother!” He shouts and slips past him. “That’s… That’s my boyfriend.” He whispers in shock as the EMTs pull a limp form out of the car. The red hair is a dead giveaway, but his face is too banged up and bloody to recognize. And if that’s Lavi, then the body on the ground… 

Kanda suddenly feels dizzy and ill all at the same time. He wants to go to Lavi, to make sure he’s okay. But he can’t tear his eyes away from the form on the ground. Daisya, his  _ brother _ , the annoying, ever-loud, college dropout  _ fool.  _ He just couldn’t be gone. Not like this. 

“Do you know them?” One of the EMTs asks. She has blood all over her hands and her own face. Daisya’s blood. Lavi’s blood. 

Numbly, Kanda nods. He realizes he should call Tiedoll, but the phone still gripped in his hand feels like nothing more than a hunk of metal at the moment.

“There was a cow in the road.” She continues, like that explains everything. Why Daisya is dead. Kanda hates the look of pained sympathy in her eyes. “The driver was dead on impact. The passenger is in a very delicate state; he suffered some pretty bad injuries to the head and spine. But we’re escorting him to the hospital right now.” 

Kanda’s eyes slide over to the ambulance where the other two EMTs are strapping Lavi securely to the gurney. He makes his way over to them, but doesn’t get in. He hates hospitals, and someone has to stay. With Daisya. 

“You better not die on me, idiot rabbit.” He mutters, giving Lavi’s lower leg a tight squeeze. “You can’t get out of this party that easy.” 

“We’ll be at Central General when you’re done here.” The same EMT says, giving Kanda a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. He slides away from her. 

He watches, empty and numb, as the ambulance speeds away. Lavi’s life is literally hanging in the balance, now. Kanda feels a wave of rage and fury at whatever force makes these things happen. He kneels on the ground beside Daisya, hand finding his brother’s, cold and limp. 

_ It’s happened, again.  _ He thinks.  _ Just like Alma.  _

Lenalee, Allen, and Komui join up in Komui’s car. Lenalee practically flings herself out of the passenger’s seat, tears already flowing. “Oh, no. Oh, Kanda…” 

Kanda grits his back teeth. He doesn’t have it in him to explain what happened. If he says it out loud he’s afraid he’ll lose it entirely. 

“Is that…?” Allen starts, resting a hand on Lenalee’s shoulder and motioning to the body beside Kanda.

“Daisya.” Kanda grits out. “They took Lavi away. I have to call…” 

Kanda stands up, lifting his phone again. He’s able to take a few steps away from the small group before it seems like it all just hits him at once. Daisya’s dead. Lavi’s in critical condition at the hospital. Ten minutes ago, they were preparing to celebrate Lavi’s position on the baseball team. Now it seemed unlikely he’d get to  _ play _ . It’s enough to make Kanda’s head spin. He trips on his own foot and falls in the grass. It’s too much. It’s all too much. The memories of losing Alma drudge themselves up. He can’t help it anymore. He throws up on the side of the road, collapsed on hands and knees. 

_ Not again.  _


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanda hates hospitals.

Kanda hates hospitals. Has ever since his first visit at four years old, directly after the first time he met Alma. His hatred increased tenfold when Alma died in a hospital. Even now, six years later, and he felt nauseated and irritated just sitting in one. The smell of alcohol and disinfectant didn't help either, and the steady beeping of the heart monitor was beginning to give him a headache. But he wasn't going to leave Lavi's side, either. 

Lavi's condition had stabilized; he had suffered a fraction to the front of his skull (Kanda made a mental note to lecture him about seatbelts when he was better). His spine was okay, thankfully. But he had yet to wake up after four days. 

"Kanda, you need rest. To eat, or drink." Lenalee gently coaxes him, nudging his shoulder. 

"And take a shower." Allen jests, though he seems just as concerned as Lenalee. 

Kanda stubbornly refuses to move, his grip on Lavi's hand only tightening more. He's not moving, not leaving him alone. Not again. 

_ It was supposed to be just another day. They'd meet at the large oak tree outside of the school building and walk home together. They didn't have the same class, probably for good reason, otherwise they'd fight constantly. But this was okay. It was Kanda's favorite part of the day; no teachers, no foster parents, no  _ adults  _ to bother them, tell them how to behave.  _

_ Kanda was five minutes early, like he always was. He didn't mind waiting. He never did, despite whatever he'd say to Alma. So he waited. And he waited… and waited. Eventually, an hour had gone by. No other students remained; the school campus was completely abandoned. No sight of Alma.  _

_ Tiedoll stopped in front of the tree in his minivan, a troubled look on his face. "Yuu, get in the car."  _

_ "No." Kanda defied, crossing his arms. "I'm waiting for Alma." _

_ Pain flickers across his foster dad's face. "Yuu… please. We need to talk."  _

_ Kanda didn't like that tone. He didn't like the look on Tiedoll's face. A cold, awful feeling took pit in Kanda's stomach. Whatever reason Alma had for being late, whatever happened, Tiedoll knew about it. He knew about it and Kanda didn't.  _

_ He turned away from the van and ran across the school campus and fast as his legs would carry him. Alma was  _ fine.  _ He was just serving detention again and forgot to mention it to Kanda. Or he'd forgotten his books in the library again. Or… or  _ something.  _ Anything other than what this feeling of doubt and despair was telling him.  _

_ When he'd run out of places to look, Tiedoll was there. He stood at the entrance of the building, being patient and kind to Kanda. Like he always was.  _

_ "Where is he?" Kanda asked, voice hard and bitter.  _

_ "Come on." Tiedoll held out a hand. "We can still see him."  _

Another day passes and Kanda hasn't moved. He's caught a few minutes of sleep here and there, but every time a nurse comes in to check on Lavi he's woken up. They declare the same thing every time. 

"It's up to him now." 

It's agonizingly painful, having to  _ wait  _ and see if he'd be okay. They stitched his head wound back up; he'd have a scar on his forehead but he should be okay. If he would just pull himself out of it. 

"Don't leave me." He whispers later that night, Lavi's bruised hand gripped tightly in both of his. "I don't say it out loud, because it's embarrassing as hell and I can't believe it's  _ you  _ of all people, but… I love you. You can't string me on like that and just ditch me when it's going good. When I'm…  _ happy _ ." Kanda scoffs to himself. He's never this sappy. But according to one of the nurses, comatose patients can hear and listen. And if Lavi leaves… he doesn't want him to die thinking Kanda didn't love him the way he deserved to be loved. Lavi didn't deserve that. "Don't die on me, or I'll kill you." 

_ Kanda knew where Tiedoll was driving even before they turned on the road. The hospital loomed over him, feeling even bigger and more threatening now more than ever. Tiedoll stubbornly held onto Kanda's hand despite his protests. Probably to stop him from running off again. But Kanda was done running. He wanted to see Alma. To make sure he was okay.  _

_ The lady at the desk wanted to refuse them visit at first. But Tiedoll, ever the sympathetic and cunning old man, managed to convince her to let Kanda pass.  _

_ The room is quiet, and clean. It's a private room. No one wants to see a dying child on ICU. Kanda least of all. But there he is, looking at his childhood best friend. His only friend.  _

_ At first, it really just looks like he's sleeping. But then Kanda notices all the blood and the bruises. There's a particularly nasty gash on the side of his head. Even at twelve years old, Kanda knows that's a serious injury. The way Tiedoll squeezes his shoulder isn't very comforting either.  _

_ "Is he…?" He starts.  _

_ "He's hanging on, but only by a thread. It doesn't look good, Yuu." His foster father pursed his lips and crouched slightly to be at eye-level with Kanda. "But they believe he can hear us. Maybe if you talk to him, Yuu. Let him know how you feel. Maybe  _ you _ can bring him back to us, yeah?"  _

_ Kanda looked between Tiedoll and Alma's more or less lifeless form. His face screwed up in rage and he pushed Tiedoll away from him. "Yeah, right! Look at that big cut on his head! There's no way me  _ talking to him  _ is gonna fix anything! He's  _ dead _ ! He's already  _ dead!" _ _

_ Kanda didn't give Tiedoll any chance to respond before he ran out of the room. This time he wasn't searching for anyone or anything in particular. He just needed to get away. Get out of this cursed building.  _

_ Kanda didn't see Alma again until the funeral.  _

_ "Did you hear..?" _

_ "Down a flight of stairs…"  _

_ "Horrible tragedy…"  _

_ People whispered around Kanda like he wasn't even there. Daisya and Marie both kept to his sides, mostly to help prevent a violent outburst but also to support him. Even back then, before Tiedoll had adopted any of them, they were like brothers. No matter what Kanda insisted. He would always be indebted to them.  _

Telling Tiedoll about Daisya's death had been horrible. The old man seemed to accept it more easily than Kanda had Alma's. But the heartbroken, wretched sobs were hard to listen to. Kanda's been too focused on Lavi and his condition to really grieve properly. And he dreaded whether he'd have to grieve for two lives or not. 

It's on the sixth day that Kanda's worrying can stop. He'd fallen asleep in the chair beside Lavi's bed, head resting on the mattress while his hand still held Lavi's. But he feels a momentary grip around his own hand, someone squeezing. He jerks up, surprised, and nearly pulls Lavi's arm off when he hears the redhead groan. 

"Lavi." He speaks gently, unsure if he's actually waking up or if this is a momentary brain spark. 

Lavi groans again, brow furrowing slightly. "Y-Yuu?" He whispers, voice hoarse. 

"About time." Kanda scoffs, but he can't deny the almost overwhelming relief that overcomes his body. His chest feels light for the first time since he came upon the accident. "You really like being dramatic." 

Lavi opens his only good eye slowly, wincing at the light. "What… what happened?" 

"I'll tell you later. I'm getting the nurse to look at you." Kanda replies, hitting the red button four times. 

The nurse deems Lavi stable, and he's likely to make a full recovery. Kanda makes a mental note to call Lenalee and Allen to let them know. But for now he wants Lavi's attention to himself. 

"You were in an accident." Kanda says once they're alone again. Lavi seems more awake and attentive. "Lenalee was going to throw you a party for making the team. Daisya was supposed to bring you there. Apparently, there was a cow in the road, and Daisya tried to swerve to miss it but got clipped by an oncoming truck. You guys flipped and then landed in a ditch." 

"Wow." Lavi sighs, his eyes wide. "I guess I'm lucky to even be alive… But, Daisya?" 

Kanda frowns and shakes his head. "Dead on impact, according to the EMTs. His, uh, funeral is tomorrow." 

"Oh, no…" Lavi's face fills with despair and Kanda realizes his mistake a moment later. 

"No, it is not your fault, rabbit. It's no one's fault, except maybe the cow. Don't blame yourself." 

"But if it was… it was for a party, for me…"

"A party you didn't know about. No one would've guessed you guys would be in that kind of accident." 

"Yeah…" Lavi looks down at his lap, but Kanda can tell he isn't convinced. 

"You're alive. That's something. We could've lost both of you."

Lavi just nods and leans his head back against the pillows. "I'm tired." 

"Go back to sleep, then. I'll tell Lenalee and the Moyashi that you're okay." 

Lavi just nods again and closes his eyes, but not before giving Kanda's hand another kiss. 


End file.
